Husbands who are caught up in an affair often make many promises to entice their wives not to abandon them or to end the marriage. To that end, many husbands promise that if the wife gives him a chance, he will not regret it. Many wives think about this promise for a time before making important decisions. After all, an adventure is so painful. And recovery is not a picnic either. Therefore, staying the course and fighting for your marriage is a decision that should not be taken lightly. Still, many wives decide to try to make it work because it’s hard to just walk away from a marriage. They make the decision in the hope that the husband will keep all his promises.
Many husbands do their best to follow up, but some do it better than others. I have heard from quite a few wives who feel that their husband does not deliver on what he promised. In fact, many do not need to look beyond the lack of time they are dedicating to recovery. If this is not bad enough, the wife feels that she should not have to beg for more of her time, but that is exactly the position she is in. She might say, “After I caught my husband cheating on me, he cried that very night. He told me that he had never regretted anything more and that he had no idea what he would do if I got lost. He told me if I gave him a chance. , I would see a different man. I wanted to believe this. But I’ve also seen a big change in my husband since he got a promotion. He’s at work a lot more. He’s more ambitious. I really think these changes led to his adventure. However , he seemed so regretful and sweet when he promised to change, so I wanted to believe him. Unfortunately, he hasn’t changed much. He still works so hard. It seems like he never has more time for me. I’m not saying he has less time for me. And I was hoping he would try to clear his schedule a bit so that we could do special things to recover. My friends say I should say something about this, but I don’t feel like I should. I’m very depressed. I feel like he sold me a big lie. N or I’m sure why he did so much wrong not to quit if he wasn’t going to try to make things better. Now I regret it and I’m not sure what to do. “
Be very specific about your expectations: If there’s one thing I learned in my own recovery from my spouse’s affair, it’s that sometimes to get what you want, you have to ask for it, and in some cases, demand it. Sometimes you have to ask more than once. Often times, our spouse thinks it’s okay, while we know it’s not. But we can’t always expect them to change unless we talk.
Trust me, I completely understand your frustration. But I think that before you give up and walk away from your marriage, you need to define for your husband exactly what you expect from him in terms of time. After that, it will be up to him to rise to the occasion or not. If it doesn’t, then you will have to decide how you want to proceed. But if it does, you’ve got what you want and you don’t need to end your marriage. It’s certainly worth trying to explain.
You could try: “We need to talk about something that weighs heavily on me. After your affair, you promised you would fix this. In my opinion, that meant spending more time with me and our marriage. So far, I haven’t seen that. I know your work requires you to take time. However, what we are going through makes this moment in our marriage a special circumstance. I’m not sure we will make it if we don’t. Don’t take the time. Can we sit down and talk about your schedule and find out exactly where and where? when can we schedule some time for ourselves? “It also helps if you can tell exactly what kind of time you are talking about. Do you want me to be home by 6:30 as often as possible? Do you want me to clear your calendar on Friday nights to go out to dinner? Do you want me to accompany you to church on Sundays? Ask yourself what is most important to you and then speak up. You cannot meet your needs if you are not very clear about them. Listen to your response. There is always room for negotiation, but it should certainly come to the table with some adaptations.