This is a powerful proactive skill if you can be in this awareness when responding. As I was taught in the old country, answer a question with a question, HOWEVER, we will hone this old saying.
Answer a question with empathy if you think the other person is in resentment, anger or retaliation mode. The speaker will probably calm down quickly. It may take some empathy guesswork, however, empathy has been such an effective peacemaker in my communications. An empathy assumption is guessing the person’s emotions or needs. With an intense situation, first guess the needs. This can be seen as “Do you want to ______________”.
Current situation:
I once saw an angry man in a luxury hotel and he was “yelling” at the manager. I heard him say, “Are you stupid?”
Me: I went up to him and said, “Sir.”
To the: “What do you want?” he told me quite intensely.
Me: I understand that you would like to be understood (the need) How difficult is this situation for you? (So, I didn’t tell him my impression of what he was thinking.) She was seeing him as a human being and I guessed what he wanted.
To the: “yes” calmly.
He made an empathy assumption to transform himself from a stressed out human being with high blood pressure into a calm and peaceful person. He just needed to be heard and understood.
After the conversation was completed peacefully, he asked me if I wanted to work for his company.
The tip and exercise:
When you hear a question with intensity from another or perhaps mixed with reproach, embarrassment, or guilt, instead of answering directly, offer an empathetic guess.
For example:
1: Why do you talk so much? Me: Do you want to be heard (need)?
2: How could you forget to pick up the cleaning? Me: I understand that you would enjoy it more. confidence?
3: Why don’t you call me anymore? Me: are you needing comprehension why don’t I call you
innuendo : To facilitate and learn this skill, try to visualize and practice different situations before trying it for real. A list of needs/values can be found on the website below.