When you are upset, angry, sad, frustrated, depressed, hopeless, hopeless, rejected, lost, betrayed, hurt, upset, or vulnerable, do you turn to chocolate, alcohol, coffee, sex, food, cigarettes, drugs, work, substances, shopping, gambling, high-risk activities, self-harm, emotional outburst, partying, distancing, emotional withdrawal, self-abuse, abuse of others for relief, comfort, forget, remember, numb , encourage and then regret?
All of us have physical and emotional addictions of some kind within us. When we examine our whole life we can see what these things are. They appear in our lives, over and over again. They literally play for us. Our lives are a representation of what is stored in the subconscious mind from our past experiences.
William Glasser MD, in his book Positive Addictions, says, “Very few of us realize how much we choose misery in our lives. Even when we do, we go ahead with the disastrous choice because we are convinced that we don’t have the strength to choose better”.
Have you ever wondered if there is a way out? Is there any way to get out of the vicious circle of:
- I when…
- Damn, I did it again!
- I will never be able to…
You choose who you are, mostly unconsciously. You can choose to be different. it’s important to be
aware of what is going on. Here are the steps in the cycle of addiction:
Addiction
The stress of life begins to accumulate, so I reach for the substances I prefer: food, alcohol, drugs, etc. I feel good because stress is relieved. I have anesthetized myself, sometimes literally, and, momentarily, I have calmed the desire.
Depression
But I feel really bad because I just ate a ton (fell off the wagon, went crazy, etc), so I beat myself up until I’m convinced I’m in control.
Idealization
I see what happened. It won’t happen again. I have a program. I have it right this time. I will do better, in fact, I will be perfect.
Frustration
And then the stress starts to build up again. I miss my addiction. I miss the temporary high it gives me. I miss the relief. I stop thinking clearly. My focus narrows. If I can have one more hit, just one more time. Just this time. Please please.
Rationalization
This is when we make every excuse to abandon our program, our plan. We make up dozens of excuses (none of which are rational) to make an exception.
You’ve been doing great. A cigarette won’t hurt you.
Look, today has been a particularly hard day. I have to have a joint.
Maybe instead of giving up alcohol altogether, you can just have one drink a day.
I’ve managed with one drink a day, that’s fine, there’s nothing wrong with doing two drinks.
I have successfully stopped for 3 weeks (3 days, 3 hours), I can stop again at any time.
A pizza won’t hurt you.
I’m not really an addict.
I can give up at any time.
I will not put money on the table, I will only watch others bet. I’ll go in for a bit.
Addiction
I reach for my preferred substances: food, alcohol, drugs, etc. I feel good because stress is relieved. I have anesthetized myself, sometimes literally, and, momentarily, I have calmed the desire.
While I’m talking about substances here, this cycle applies equally to physical violence (both perpetrator and victim), sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and the like.
It seems that this cycle is impossible to break. However, there is a way. There is an exit door. This gate is in the “Rationalization” stage. In this point
1. You notice the irrational barrage of arguments and counter-arguments.
2. You realize where you are going.
3. You set your limits and say No to the addict in you (just like you would say to a four-year-old who insisted on drinking a bottle of bleach and throwing horrible tantrums until he got his way. You wouldn’t). . give it to her/him no matter what. Just don’t give in to your emotional, irrational side that is yelling, yelling, throwing a tantrum.
4. You reward yourself in other ways.
Remember that there is always a way out.
There is a lot of help available to deal with addictions. There are twelve-step programs: Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Codependents Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Binge Eaters Anonymous, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous… If you prefer personalized help, your available options are hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, counseling. Telephone counseling services are also available free of charge, such as Lifeline. If you are a recipient of abuse and want to get out, you can call government agencies or the police.