Building self-confidence is the cornerstone of positive personal development, but it can often be the most confusing aspect. How do you build self-confidence when you’re traveling down the path of personal development and you’re obviously not 100% happy with yourself?
I believe that most people who actively seek personal development are not necessarily trying to change themselves, but are trying to rediscover their natural state of personality. They are trying to find the version of themselves that is more congruent with what they feel inside. This is actually a very difficult thing to achieve because there is so much bullshit and bragging generated in our society that confuses the issue and that is why learning to develop your own self-confidence is so important.
That’s why I was excited that another article I wrote about using affirmations to build self-confidence struck a chord with some readers and has already generated some good feedback on my blog. It’s great to see other people who recognize the importance of being able to build a positive image of themselves. With that in mind, I thought I’d continue this trend and talk about another trick I use to keep my self-confidence elevated: daily comfort challenges.
Daily comfort challenges
The concept of the Daily Comfort Challenge is to set yourself a personal challenge every day that pushes you out of your comfort zone. It should force him to confront his simple social fears, which are often unfounded, and do things that he would normally never consider. The confidence you build by pushing yourself like this is incredible.
I used to have a massive fear of failure when it came to talking to women, which of course manifested throughout my life, and I ended up being afraid to talk to most women. Not exactly an ideal state for a 23-year-old straight man. So when I started setting myself these daily comfort challenges, I started small: I just had to say “Hello” to a random woman every day.
It sounds simple, and to be honest it was, but it gave me exactly what I needed. She forced me to face my stupid fear and realize that talking to strangers wasn’t hard. Nor fear. Actually, it was really fun. I ended up meeting some great people, having some great conversations, and building my confidence.
Enough rambling on my part. These are my top three comfort challenges you can use to build your self-confidence…
Comfort Challenge One: Talk to 5 complete strangers
Try to start conversations with several complete strangers every day. This is a great way to build trust and hone your communication skills and the beauty is that no matter what you say you will probably never see them again in your life.
Tips for talking to strangers:
- Start with people who are paid to be friendly (eg waiters, charity beggars, etc.)
- Talk to people forced to stay indoors (eg, elevators, trains, checkout lines)
- Keep it simple: you don’t need to discuss the meaning of life with them, just say “hi”.
Give it a try and see what kind of conversations it can spark. You never know, you might meet some very interesting people.
Comfort Challenge Two: Perform a street trick
Street trick is anything that is completely out of the ordinary and will make most people think you are crazy. Don’t worry, it’s actually them who are crazy.
Pulling off a street trick requires little effort, but it throws all current social expectations out the window. Here are some good examples to start with, but don’t be afraid to create your own:
- Dressing strangely (undergarments on the outside are always good)
- Lying in the middle of the sidewalk
- Walking on your hands (I wish I could do this)
The key to a good street trick is to never admit that something strange happened. When you’re done, go about your business as if nothing had happened. If people comment or ask you about it, just fool them with a lame excuse like
“Oh, that? My doctor says I need to walk on my hands every hour to take the pressure off my feet.”.
Comfort Challenge Three: Get a Phone Number
This takes the challenge of talking to strangers to another level, and is also great for anyone who has a hard time connecting with people of the opposite sex.
The challenge is simple: just get a phone number from someone you don’t know. You don’t have to like them, or really want to call them, but you do have to find a stranger and get past the initial conversation stage to end up with their phone number. The phone number doesn’t even have to be real, just get some numbers.
I only have one piece of advice for getting a phone number: ask for it. Most people don’t expect you to ask for their number, and if you’ve had a little chat beforehand, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how willing they are to give up their digits. Or at least get rid of you by giving you a fake number.
If you still want a hint, try something like this: “Hey, I saw you walk by and I thought you looked amazing and I just had to come by and say hello…I have something I need to get to right now, but I’d love to catch up for a chat sometime…what’s that?” the best number to call you? Soft right?
Confidence is the goal, nothing else matters
For all of the above challenges, the specific actions taken and the actual results are not what matters. The goal is to develop your self-confidence. It doesn’t matter if you cross yourself out 20 times to get a phone number because the experience you get from it (and the realization that only your own opinion of yourself matters) is worth so much more than a single phone number.
There is no limit to what you can try with these personal challenges, but make sure everything is legal. I don’t want to get a sudden influx of “I decided to run naked down the street and they arrested me” hate posts. Unless photos are included.
Get creative and come up with some personal challenges that are fun but push your limits at the same time. Take a look at your life and discover where you lack the most confidence and challenge yourself to get out of your comfort zone. You will be amazed at the impact it will have on your self-confidence.