The following series of articles is very dear to me due to my own personal experience. This article is not about how to lose weight. It is about addressing what a man does when he is unsure or feels like he is losing the battle to know how to support his wife when she has gained an unflattering amount of weight. What to do when you don’t see any changes and how to handle emotions during changes.
Over time, I have seen couples go into the routine of life. As we continue to live, we sometimes feel unfulfilled in life. We are looking for something or someone to blame. Our spouse is the most available person at this time. Sometimes there is a tendency to forget what it was that we loved, that special thing that we saw for the first time in our partner. We begin to wonder if this is the life we were hoping for. When this introspection is established, we can often blame our spouse for some of the dissatisfaction we feel. Questions start to arise. Are we really well matched with our partner? The irritation settles. We can begin to be more active in the visual observation of others. This appears to be a downward spiral. Do not give up. We still have a real chance of success, but we delude ourselves that love is gone.
Let’s look back. We work hard to reach an initial level of acceptance with each other; It’s amazing how we break the rules meant to maintain excitement and optimism by saying that the excitement is gone because of our partner. It is a trap that many fall into because we somehow forget all the work we did while we were in love with our special someone. It seems that we do not understand that the original feelings arose from a choice that we made, the effort that we put into the feelings and thoughts of love about that person.
We don’t stand still and freeze in time. We change. It’s sad to think that we didn’t expect things to change, including our partner. You cannot maintain a successful relationship based on a snapshot of the past in time. We may have good memories, but we have to choose to be in love here in the now. The relationship must grow even when one person changes. It bears repeating, we all change. One of the changes that has a great later or even initial impact on any relationship is an alteration in physical appearance. One of the changes that happens to many women is weight change. The change is usually an increase.
How can I know? I have been there. Now I want to tell you directly because I really believe that men are not taught how to handle changes in their wife when this happens. We are not taught what to think. What to say. Above all, we are not taught to respond.
We can start thinking, “She got carried away. Man, she talks about losing weight, but she still fills her plate. If she really wants to lose weight, she would exercise. She doesn’t look like she used to. Me I don’t get turned on anymore. I’m trying to be supportive Why are you hiding the food? If you don’t lose weight, I leave it. It goes on and on. I listened and told myself some of these things. If you haven’t thought this way, then God has blessed you. You are indeed lucky. If you’ve said these things to yourself or out loud, it’s time for you to find out a few things about yourself, then find out a few things about your wife.
First, most women do not want to be overweight. There is physical pain, emotional pain, mental anguish, guilt, fear, and anger. There are many reasons to be overweight. Everything from parenting, genetics, emotional needs, childbirth, age, and other things. Don’t even mention the many diets, the media, fasting, medications, supplements, programs, and other things that are pushed for weight loss and often end in disappointment. There is also the problem of ill-fitting clothes, tense physical activities, uncomfortable flights on airplanes, stares while eating at restaurants. Everything related to people and weight. Finally, keep wanting to be loved, appreciated, adored, and the object of a loved one’s attention.
I promise nothing more than this. If you loved your wife and felt special for her before she gained weight and you still want to be true to her and yourself, you must begin to learn how to help your wife through weight gain, weight loss, and all. associated changes. To be successful, you must start by being very honest with yourself. You’re not alone. I will share what I have learned.
I will write the next post on how I had to change when she changed. Stay tuned and be blessed.
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