Everyone has negative thoughts on a daily basis. No one escapes this condition. Many factors, notably our early childhood conditioning and social environment, influence the intensity and repetition of the negative. Beliefs about ourselves and our abilities also play an important role in shaping the kinds of thoughts that usually pop into our minds.
However, managing negative messages reduces the physical distress inflicted by their continued presence. Science has shown time and time again that for every thought and emotion we experience, there is a corresponding physical counterpart of the thought and emotion in every cell of the body. What we think causes extreme physical changes. This is why many mourners get sick when the immune system is compromised.
However, our inner life can be managed even when we carefully examine what the pain of our great loss reveals to us. Feeling our pain is essential for healing; it is the very source of learning and transformation. Here are seven techniques designed to control your life of negative thoughts and reduce severe mood-altering scenarios.
1. Try the closet technique. Some mourners are able to take a negative thought, frame it, and push it away from within. Some are seen frame in hand going to a clothes closet, opening the doors and putting the framed picture on a hanger. Then they walk away. Others, if they are outside, will hang the negative thought frame on a tree and continue with what they were doing. Just find a place to “put” it that is out of sight and location.
2. Darken or attenuate the image that accompanies the thought. In short, lower the light on the image to make it hard to see. Don’t let a clear picture emerge from your thinking. After a little practice you will find that the thought begins to lose its impact on you. Complete the process by entering a nicer image of something you like.
3. The Toilet Technique. Once, a member of one of my support groups told us how he dealt with his sad and afflicted thoughts when he got tired of them. “I get up from where I’m sitting,” she said, “I go into my bathroom and stand in front of the toilet. chain and go.” She went on to say that she would do a task or participate in some other activity.
4. Challenge dark thinking with a success story. If you are bombarded with images that show that you are not able to cope well or fear the future, remember times when you faced challenges in the past. As you prepare to use this strategy, make a list of the many times you’ve succeeded under difficult circumstances. See yourself going through specific actions where you overcome the problem you faced. Now, when the anxiety-inducing thought suddenly appears, confront it with: “I have the ability to deal with this situation as I have been successful in similar instances. I remember when…”
5. Design an affirmation to invoke immediately. Self-training is or should be a daily habit. We all need to keep our spirits up through positive self-talk. Here you can make up affirmations to your liking. Keep them in the present tense, which you are in the process of doing, like “I am able to prevail” or “I am determined to get through this hour (or day or month)”. One of my personal favorites is “I’m living it.”
6. Use a purely physical response. Physical movement is an excellent means of releasing an emotional stimulus. Get up from your chair and move to another place in your house. At the same time, combine the movement with an affirmation or a pleasant memory. Go for a walk. Try to focus all your attention on deep abdominal breathing. “See” your lungs and abdomen expand as you breathe deeply and slowly. Focus on a slow inhalation and exhalation.
7. Call on your Higher Power. Some kind of spiritual life is essential for inner balance and to cope with all the great changes that life brings. Go back to your spiritual roots and examine your relationship with your Higher Power or with nature or the universe. Many mourners have told me that knowing their God walks with them and is there to listen provides a great avenue for sharing.
There is nothing wrong with asking for the strength to handle inner turmoil. Construct an affirmation that acknowledges your Higher Power. Talk to your Higher Power as if you were your best friend. Then listen to what goes into your thought processes.
As with any new coping strategy, try one of the above several times before deciding whether to use it or discard it. Handling any negative thoughts is work, part of your grievance work. Examine how you feel before and after each attempt. Once you make a choice, then practice, practice, practice. You have the ability to deal with the negative and the fears that often bring it to life. persists.