Some of you reading this may think that my situation is not as bad as I project. If that’s your conclusion, let me help convince you otherwise.
In my concentration and devotion to writing this article, I accidentally picked up my mug at the wrong angle and spilled the contents onto my shirt. If you think that’s not terrible enough, I happen to be in public.
Today, before leaving home to do some things in the city, I achieved something that had been on my bucket list for a long time. I learned to divide! Sadly, I didn’t learn the way most people do.
When I got out of the bathroom, I heard my phone ring. I ran to my room. Suddenly, I was intercepted by a watery substance on the ground. My front leg gave out and soon my back leg succumbed to the pressure and gave out as well. There you go; the perfect way to split. After that ordeal, I practically staggered toward a cab, wincing as I went.
To cut a terrible day short, I went to a restaurant feeling like an 80 year old woman and was definitely treated like one. I got a seat graciously offered to me by a young man my age and got lots of nice stars and smiles. A nice man asked me if he had any foot problems, another lady asked me if she needed help to move. I respectfully declined.
I won’t tell you about my experiences over the years, but I will tell you that not a day goes by without something interesting happening.
Many people say they have interesting lives, probably not as interesting as mine.
My experience in the field could easily make me the president of CLUMSINESS. I’ve gone to such lengths to embarrass myself. It won’t hurt to tell you another story.
Yesterday I was at a gathering with family, friends and other guests. I secretly hoped that everything would turn out well. After all, my parents invited some very distinguished people. Everything was going well until the peak of the night. My mother was telling some very interesting stories that gave people the ‘oos’ and the ‘ahs’. My mom pointed to dad, giving him the eye that meant ‘Tell us some stories now’.
To my dismay, but thanks to the appreciation of his listeners, my father began to tell me a story from my childhood. (I won’t repeat it)
In my haste to get away from all the laughter, I excused myself and headed to the kitchen. Instantly, I gave the audience a live example of my many accidents. I did not notice an object on the ground and fell on my head. All chatter stopped and I quickly hurried to my feet. Running from the scene, I turned aside and headed to my room. Walking up the stairs, one of the guests stopped me and told me to take my dress down.
Now she finally knew why she felt fresh air in the back. (sobs)
And just think, my dress was up the whole time…
That’s enough now. I’ve finally given you a lot to laugh about. I’ll shut down my computer now, I need to go back to seclusion to lick my wounds.