This is an unofficial survey that I have used in family and community relations courses. It’s a quick way to find out which love languages you prefer. You can also respond from your partner’s point of view and gain a new understanding to increase your relationship. Don’t forget to get one of Dr. Gary Chapman’s books.
Try the survey:
Give yourself 2 points if it is always applicable, 1 point if it is sometimes applicable, and 0 points if it is never applicable.
GIFTS
An unexpected gift can keep me walking in the air for days.
I’d rather receive a thoughtful little gift than an extravagant compliment
only me love receive gifts, or even gifts
I’d rather get a reward than a standing ovation
Remembering birthdays and anniversaries is very important to me
I put a lot of effort and consideration into getting the right gift for the people I care about.
I am excited about organizing parties and special events for others.
It has a great impact on me when someone goes out of their way to make or find the perfect gift for me.
I keep trinkets because they were given to me by special people or as a souvenir of special events.
I find it very depressing not to receive gifts on the holidays and on my birthday.
Score: / 20
QUALITY TIME
I enjoy sharing hobbies or work projects with others
I like spending time with people, one on one or in a group.
I feel lonely if I can’t spend time with the people I care about.
I enjoy working as a team
I am a ‘people person’, I like company
I enjoy meeting people to play or watch sports.
I feel hurt when others exclude me or do not involve me in activities.
I show people that I care by being with them
I am quite comfortable just being with others in silence.
In times of trouble, just being there is what matters
Score: / 20
TO CONGRATULATE
A kind word can keep me long
Honesty is very important to me, but not ‘brutal’ honesty
When people criticize my best efforts it hurts me
I feel like “a million dollars” when I receive sincere praise
I am excited to motivate and encourage people
I am quite sensitive to the moods and feelings of other people.
I don’t mind doing things for others, but it helps to hear a ‘thank you’ at the end.
I like when people congratulate my achievements.
I value praise and try to avoid criticism.
I’d rather a standing ovation than an expensive gift
Score: / 20
SPEAK
I appreciate that others listen patiently and do not interrupt me
I enjoy late night chats with my partner or close friends.
I feel appreciated when others take the time to understand my feelings.
I like that my opinion or my ideas are valued.
I like to understand what other people think and feel.
I feel appreciated and excited when people want to hear my stories.
I am interested in hearing other people’s stories.
I enjoy when other people come to me with their problems or I can be used as a ‘sounding board’
I like when people listen to me with sympathy
I spend a lot of time chatting on the phone
Score: / 20
SERVICE / HELP ACTS
Actions speak louder than words
I like to do favors for people
I find it frustrating when people wait to be asked instead of figuring out what to do.
True friends are the ones I know I can trust for help in times of trouble.
Getting help with housework or a project at work makes me excited
I feel important and useful when I have done a good job.
I believe that punctuality and diligence are very important character traits.
I appreciate that people do things they don’t enjoy.
I am goal oriented and I like to do my best.
I like when others collaborate and help, especially without being asked.
Score: / 20
PLAY
One touch can say a lot
A hug from a loved one can brighten the darkest day
I feel very hurt when the people I care about physically withdraw from me.
I enjoy giving and receiving hugs, caresses, or playful shoves.
I have a very close personal space
I think you can tell a lot about a person by their handshake.
I don’t like it when people I’m interacting with avoid eye contact
I am excited to give and receive genuine smiles
I like hard housing with my friends and my family.
I enjoy giving and receiving massages
Score: / 20
Total points:
Final scores:
GIFTS = ___ points
QUALITY TIME = ___ points
TO CONGRATULATE = ___ points
SPEAK = ___ points
SERVICE / HELP ACTS = ___ points
PLAY = ___ points
I appreciate the work of Dr. Gary Chapman and also Ms. Susan Smith in developing this survey that I have customized and used in family and community development programs.